Mikki Decker is a fighter. She’s battling depression, arthiritis, anorexia, self-harm and suicide attempts. She is healing every day.
“I refuse to let suicide win,” she said. She’s glad she’s one of the lucky ones who never succeeded. She wouldn’t be here to tell her most important story today.
Decker, 26, was sexually abused by her father from the ages of 5-14. “Yeah, I’m one of those stats,” she said. After years of being afraid to tell anyone about the abuse out of fear she might ruin her whole family, she finally told her mother at 20 years old. Then on Sept. 17 of this year, she gave a victim impact statement at the Sheldon Child Advocacy Centre, a move she calls her “disclosure,” through which she has realized her self-worth.
“The day I disclosed that I was sexually abused was when I decided that at this point, I’m unstoppable and not afraid of anyone,” said Decker. “If I can put away the human I hate the most in the world, who hurt me in unforgivable ways and did unforgiveable things to me, and if I can give that info to a top investigator in Calgary then I don’t see what ever would ever hold me back.”
She calls the experience “so liberating.”
80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home.
Decker’s victim statement was the only adult statement ever made at the Sheldon Kennedy Child Advocacy Centre. She was urged to make the statement by various members of the film crew of Swift Current, said Wayne MacNeil, co-founder of Respect Group Inc. Decker is a feature story in the film which is coming out on Google Play and iTunes Dec. 2, 2016. The film is about childhood sexual abuse and the trauma it entails.
More about Swift Current
Swift Current follows the heart-wrenching stories of three victims of sexual abuse – former NHL star Sheldon Kennedy, Mikki Decker and Graham Joliceour. Their perpetrators include a coach, a father and a friend of the family. The documentary explores the invisible damage of fear, shame, depression, recklessness and having no one to turn to. It outlines the victims healing processes of speaking up, pressing charges and being the voice for others.
Interestingly, Kennedy met Decker and Joliceour four years ago when speaking on his experiences with sexual abuse at Durham College. The film’s Director Joshua Rofé pursued Kennedy about making a documentary for a year after that speaking session, and Kennedy finally agreed. The first people he contacted to be in the film were Decker and Joliceour, the two that spoke up about their brutal pasts in a room full of people at Durham.
The film captivates the audience with all three stories by separating itself into themes and showing the similarities and differences between each story. Kennedy, Decker and Joliceour all mention the importance of keeping their abuse a secret and feeling unable to get help. They all had problems with cutting, suicide and mental health. The film especially focuses on Kennedy’s alcohol and drug abuse.
The dark tone of the film is emphasized by the distinction of archival footage shown as a frame within a frame, with a black background. You can tell the footage is old, but by separating it from the interviews and B-roll, which represent healing, it stands out as a time of darkness and despair in comparison. The archival footage shows Kennedy playing hockey and pictures of Decker and Joliceour when they were little.
All three victims talk about the gratitude and relief they felt when they told somebody about their stories. Kennedy and Decker say they now overcompensate for their pasts by trying to be the “greatest person ever,” and the voice of everyone. Joliceour says he just wants to feel normal.
Swift Current really gives the audience a sense and understanding of why so many victims of sexual assault stay silent for so long. I recommend this film to anybody interested in learning about a topic that is affecting so many but yet not talked about enough.
Decker, from Oshawa Ont., said the filming of Swift Current was “easily the most emotionally naked” she’s ever been and the safest she has ever felt, despite being surrounded by males during filming.
She said being open about her past helps the healing process, especially between her and her mother, who was shocked when she found out about the abuse. Her mom said the years of abuse were “the best years of her life,” not knowing this was going on in her family. Now, after years of hardship and miscommunication, Decker and her mom are writing a book on their familial experiences with sexual abuse.
1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime.
In the book, Decker and her mom will also advocate for a child advocacy centre in Ontario, where the current legislation doesn’t allow it.
Decker has been passionate about being an activist and helping others since she realized she was part of marginalized groups herself: being abused, along with having anorexia, being born with arthritis and being a queer woman. She advocates for women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, the aboriginals, amoung others. “But sexual abuse is where I am most loud and proud,” said Decker.
Decker’s a family, community and social services student at the University of Guelph-Humber. She tried to start up a sexual abuse support group on campus but was denied.
She is always involving herself in social causes on campus. “It’s a problem,” she said. I see her hanging out at the Humber LGBTQ resource centre nearly every Monday. She attended the aboriginal powwow on Nov. 17 and the Transgender day of Remembrance on Nov. 21. She’s also working on an information booth for campus next semester on gay men who are not allowed to donate blood. Little by little, she is trying to make the world a better place.
“I may even be prime minister one day. Who knows?” she said.
Only 6% of sexual assaults are reported to the police.
Her advice for sexual assault survivors is that “you don’t have to be the voice of everyone, the voice of reason, but find an outlet, whether that be, painting or running, and tell somebody about it.”
Decker has yet to press charges on her father but plans to within a year while she prepares for the “draining court process.” She said her dad is still somewhat connected to her family but that she has cut all communication with him and hopes it stays that way.
Mikki Decker
Decker has also been Humber’s vice-president of student affairs in the past, but was booted from office due to her grades, which she said is discrimination on the basis of mental health.
Decker is running for VP again for next year. She’s graduating this year so that means she would come back for a year of presidency, which she said is “exciting.” Things she plans to change at Humber is to create a more transparent government with more communication with the students. She wants to create an online voting system and a Facebook page where there would be more interaction between students and their government.
She said there needs to be a new student government, despite the fact that Ignite was created this year. She is known on campus for activism against Ignite asking for answers to how they came about without student input, where they are spending their money, why they have an inaccessible website for the blind and why they employ staff that use the word “faggot.” Ahmed Tahir, the president of Ignite, couldn’t give any clear answers to her questions.
Decker’s not only surviving – she’s fighting for justice every day with an attitude of never giving up. “All the while wearing a flower crown,” she said.
Statistics from: http://www.sexassault.ca/statistics.htm